What Are the Odds Funny What Are the Odds
A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.
As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case.
"Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks.
"Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"
What are the odds of an anorexic girl joining the clergy?
Slim to nun.
A worried flyer asks a statistician...
"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". But I fly a lot, said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.
The Millenium Falcon is taking off...
Han Solo asks C3PO to give him a countdown, and C3PO says..
"10....8.....6.....4"
Han interrupts him and asks what the heck he's doing.
C3 says "You told me to never tell you the odds"
Why can't two even numbers be together?
The odds are against them.
The even numbers said...
The odds are against us.
An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the funeral!"
I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction.
I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9
The odds were against me.
A man went to water his garden...
He didn't have a hose or a watering can, so he improvised by filling a bucket with water and throwing it all over the garden. However, when he did so, the water only landed on every other plant.
Shocked, the man threw his arms up in the air and shouted "water the odds!?"
"Look at this!" I said to my roommate
"What happened?" he replied
"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said
"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"
You can explore odds lottery reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean odds craps dad jokes. There are also odds puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A guy picks up a female hitchiker...
And when they're on the road, he jokingly asks "Lady, how do you know I'm not some kind of psychotic serial killer?".
"I dunno, but I guess the odds are pretty low that you're one too.".
The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -
The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.
S. W.
My wife left me today
She said I am addicted to gambling. I give you 2:1 odds that she will regret it later.
Having sex is like being struck by lightning
It's never happened to me, and the odds are not in my favor
8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it's someone's ATM PIN.
...it was mine.
I don't think Elon Musk's comments hurt his odds of being elected to public office
Now he just has to run as a Republican
An FBI statistician gave me some advice
I asked him, "I'm flying next week. Do you have any tips on how to lower my chances of being blown up by a bomb smuggled onboard by a terrorist?"
He chewed that one over for a while, then answered "Yes. Smuggle a bomb onboard yourself. I've never seen a case where two separate bombs were on the same plane, so the odds of a terrorist smuggling a second bomb onboard are very low."
A man survives Hiroshima and wakes up in the hospital
Man: What happened and why am I here?
Nurse: Hiroshima was hit by a bomb and despite all odds you survived. Right now you are at the hospital getting treated but you have no risk of dying so no worries.
Man: Thank god. But how about my family? Are they ok also?
Nurse: Don't worry, they all evacuated safely and are waiting at the reception room
Man: That is great news. So where am I?
Nurse: Nagasaki
'2' managed to be prime,
Against all the odds.
My family has always been in medicine. My mom is a psychiatrist and my dad is a gastroenterologist.
They specialize in odds and ends.
At the race track and saw a 100-1 horse win a race.
I couldn't believe it, what are the odds of that.
Dating on tinder.
the odds are good but the goods are odd
We should give credit to the number 2.
It became a prime number against all odds.
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9
The odds were against me
I work at an oppressed sperm bank
But through all odds, we will overcome.
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.
I challenged the number 1 to a fight. When 1 showed up, he brought 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying
He is afraid of someone bombing the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.
The odds of getting a junkie to do any work on your farm are extremely low.
You'll have a better chance of finding a needle in a haystack.
I got a paper cut from my Statistics homework.
What are the odds?
Picked up a hitch-hiker. Seemed like a nice guy
After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might have Covid. I told him the odds of two people with Covid being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were not in my favor
Five minutes after I'd picked him up the hitchhiker turned to me and asked whether I was at all nervous that he could be a murderer.
"Not at all", I replied. "What are the odds of both of us being killers?"
Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...
...detergents.
I don't know why people bad mouth lotteries.
I pay taxes and odds of winning the lottery are way better than the odds of getting good government.
I joined a math contest the other day
And against all odds,
I was severely outnumbered
My dad worked for years as an actuary.
Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren't too uncommon.
Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn't like the odds.... so the very next day he starting carrying a bomb with him on every plane that he boarded.
Cause he figured, what are the chances that *two* bombs would be on the same plane...
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was primed for revenge, and odds had to be evened.
I have some great stock tips..
Always keep the simmer low and slow. Save up the odds and ends from veggies. If you're using chicken, skim the fat/floaty bits off to get a clear liquid etc.
If you keep doing this, you end up a bouillonaire.
Three guys were sleeping on a single mattress
When they wake up the guy on the left whispers to the other two, "Dudes, I just had a dream I was getting a handjob...It was friggin awesome."
Then the guy on the right says, "Get outta here! I had a handjob dream too!"
While they high fived and discussed the odds, the guy in the center said, "Lucky stiffs. In my dream, I was skiing."
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
Picked up a hitch-hiker.
Seemed like a nice guy.
After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?
I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
A statistician gets on a plane.
A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"
Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"
Why 2, 4, 6 went for a fight and lost?
It is because the odds are against them.
An anti-vaxxer and an engineer are crossing a bridge over a crocodile-infested river
The anti-vaxxer asks "What are the odds of us making it across the bridge safely?"
The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely."
The anti-vaxxer then says "Forget it, I'll swim."
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "There is a 99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
Lucky Number 7
I had a vivid dream of the number 7, just a giant 7... and when I woke up, it was 7:00... so I get up and decide to go to the track, because I like to play the ponies.. and I get a cab, and the cab pulls up, and it's number 7... so I get to the track and I ask what I owe, and it was $7.77... I go in through gate 7 and the only booth open is the 7th. I look at the board and in the 7th race there's a horse named Lucky Number 7 and his odds are 77/1. So I put $700 on him... and believe it not... he came in 7th.
(Cr
I got into an argument with 1,3,5,7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
Hitchhiker: Thanks for picking me up, but how do you know I'm not a serial killer?
Driver: Well, what would be the odds of two serial killers in the same car?
In college, I failed statistics 5 times in a row.
What are the odds?
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5 and 7
I was scared because the odds were against me.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/odds-jokes.html
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